just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
