shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I stole a fireplace last night.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
