This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
