I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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