just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
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