Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
