what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Randomize
