i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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