i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Randomize
