your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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