My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
