addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
