he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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