if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
