3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
