Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
