dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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