maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
