I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
