yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
