woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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