Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
