My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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