I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
this hospital has no fireball
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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