I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
