the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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