im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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