im so drunk with asians
where?
always
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Randomize
