Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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