apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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