He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
