If i come over, it means nothing
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
