I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
