i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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