I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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