I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
