Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
