morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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