i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
