you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
