There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
