I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
