i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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