After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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