your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Randomize
