So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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