I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
