I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
