i think my mom watched the whole time
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
