I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
