@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
