so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
