My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
