alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
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