i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
